Tareeq I would also agree with the previous comment. It is a very exciting story but the ending comes all of a sudden and takes away from the story. Your opening sentence is excellent and really caught my attention. I also like how you used the words ROAR, OHOH AHAH ,NEIGH. They really give a clear picture to the reader. Keep up the good work.
Mrs Beverley, Team 100wc, Four Elms, Kent, UK says:
Hi Tareeq, I agree with the previous comment, that this is a really powerful piece of writing up to,
‘He was surrounded by robotic animals.’
Then I think you were running out of time or words and tried to finish the story abruptly.
HOWEVER, it is perfectly fine to end on a ‘cliffhanger’. You could try asking some questions, such as,
‘What would these creatures do? Would Lord Nulth face his final battle?’ Well you can probably think of something more engaging than that, but you get the idea!
Keep up the good work!
Mrs B
This story is quite exciting but it tails off at the end. Could you change the last two sentences to give it a more exciting ending?
How about animal humanity???????
Tareeq I would also agree with the previous comment. It is a very exciting story but the ending comes all of a sudden and takes away from the story. Your opening sentence is excellent and really caught my attention. I also like how you used the words ROAR, OHOH AHAH ,NEIGH. They really give a clear picture to the reader. Keep up the good work.
Hi Tareeq, I agree with the previous comment, that this is a really powerful piece of writing up to,
‘He was surrounded by robotic animals.’
Then I think you were running out of time or words and tried to finish the story abruptly.
HOWEVER, it is perfectly fine to end on a ‘cliffhanger’. You could try asking some questions, such as,
‘What would these creatures do? Would Lord Nulth face his final battle?’ Well you can probably think of something more engaging than that, but you get the idea!
Keep up the good work!
Mrs B