I’m amazed he wasn’t scared earlier Jack. I’d have been terrified! Good use of adjectives to help with description and the addition of speech is excellent.
Next time start a new line when a new character talks, use words other than ‘said’ and think carefully about the other punctuation in speech.
E.g.
A terrifying story opening Jack. I love your description of the bridge and the graveyard. You have also spent a lot of time checking and correcting your spellings, well done. Make sure you read through to check it all makes sense and that you haven’t left out any words. You don’t need an apostrophe in your name unless you are talking about something that belongs to you. E.g. Jack Childs’ pencil case, or Jack’s pencil case.
I’m amazed he wasn’t scared earlier Jack. I’d have been terrified! Good use of adjectives to help with description and the addition of speech is excellent.
Next time start a new line when a new character talks, use words other than ‘said’ and think carefully about the other punctuation in speech.
E.g.
…and the boy asked, “Can I help you?”
The Zombie replied, “Is this the graveyard?”
A terrifying story opening Jack. I love your description of the bridge and the graveyard. You have also spent a lot of time checking and correcting your spellings, well done. Make sure you read through to check it all makes sense and that you haven’t left out any words. You don’t need an apostrophe in your name unless you are talking about something that belongs to you. E.g. Jack Childs’ pencil case, or Jack’s pencil case.