Great story, it really got my attention and I wanted to know what Bob did when he got to the end of the bridge. You have great word choice, I particularly liked your word unraveling. I really liked when Ashley started acting like a robot to distract the police, this was very clever.
I loved reading your story and particularly love the last sentence – what an exciting ending.
Your use of description was excellent and I could clearly see the story in my mind as I was reading.
A little tip about typing – the comma should come at the end of the word and the space before the next word which you’ve done correctly after the word ‘Quickly’ but incorrectly after the word ‘run’. Take a little time to prrof read and edit your work before posting.
I look forward to reading your next piece of writing so please keep posting to your blog.
Mrs Godding Team 100WC South Wales
Good descriptive language. I love this story. What happened next?
Great word choices girls, especially ‘commanded’ ‘abrupt’ and your adverb ‘quickly’.
Although it is very tempting only use one ! not 3. Ellipses also have … (3 dots only)
Hello girls,
Great story, it really got my attention and I wanted to know what Bob did when he got to the end of the bridge. You have great word choice, I particularly liked your word unraveling. I really liked when Ashley started acting like a robot to distract the police, this was very clever.
Keep up the good work!
Mrs. Varvel Team 100WC
I loved reading your story and particularly love the last sentence – what an exciting ending.
Your use of description was excellent and I could clearly see the story in my mind as I was reading.
A little tip about typing – the comma should come at the end of the word and the space before the next word which you’ve done correctly after the word ‘Quickly’ but incorrectly after the word ‘run’. Take a little time to prrof read and edit your work before posting.
I look forward to reading your next piece of writing so please keep posting to your blog.
Mrs Godding Team 100WC South Wales