I love your last sentence Lillie, it is a great description of how you feel. You use the word ‘then’ a lot, could you find a different connective to replace it?
Hi Lillie – well done for taking part in the challenge! You have used some good vocabulary and made the writing interesting to read. You have good ideas – you need to try and organise them now into sentences. You are beginning to use full stops, but you need to be a bit more consistent. Finally, I have to agree with the person who left the first comment. Your last sentence is great! Keep on writing, Lillie!
I love your last sentence Lillie, it is a great description of how you feel. You use the word ‘then’ a lot, could you find a different connective to replace it?
Hi Lillie – well done for taking part in the challenge! You have used some good vocabulary and made the writing interesting to read. You have good ideas – you need to try and organise them now into sentences. You are beginning to use full stops, but you need to be a bit more consistent. Finally, I have to agree with the person who left the first comment. Your last sentence is great! Keep on writing, Lillie!
Thank you for my comments I would try to use different vocabulary next time