Well tried – it is good to see you are trying to paragraph your work. The opening paragraph is good – it sets the scene and introduces a main character. The second paragraph needs some work on verb tense consistency. You begin by using the past tense, but slip into the present when you describe the football. Try to proof read your work to avoid this next time. good luck with the next challenge.
Good sentence openers and description. Observing is a good word but doesn’t make sense in this context, can you think of an alternative?
Well tried – it is good to see you are trying to paragraph your work. The opening paragraph is good – it sets the scene and introduces a main character. The second paragraph needs some work on verb tense consistency. You begin by using the past tense, but slip into the present when you describe the football. Try to proof read your work to avoid this next time. good luck with the next challenge.