Hello,
The sequence of events in your story makes sense and is easy to follow. Sometimes it’s hard to stay focused on the idea of a story and too many other ideas all run together. You’ve done a wonderful job of not introducing other thoughts that detract from your storyline.
It’s a delightfully creepy piece. The mental picture of the green slime on the perfectly pink carpeting was a marvelous visual image. Then the questions that were expressed added uncertainty to the ending.
One way to make your writing even better is to think about spots in your story that might be able to be eliminated. If you took out phrases that repeated ideas you had already used, then you could add some rich descriptive words. Strong, vivid adjectives would give your story more depth and excitement.
Thank you for sharing your creativity,
Gina Ruffcorn (Team 100, Iowa USA)
Hello,
The sequence of events in your story makes sense and is easy to follow. Sometimes it’s hard to stay focused on the idea of a story and too many other ideas all run together. You’ve done a wonderful job of not introducing other thoughts that detract from your storyline.
It’s a delightfully creepy piece. The mental picture of the green slime on the perfectly pink carpeting was a marvelous visual image. Then the questions that were expressed added uncertainty to the ending.
One way to make your writing even better is to think about spots in your story that might be able to be eliminated. If you took out phrases that repeated ideas you had already used, then you could add some rich descriptive words. Strong, vivid adjectives would give your story more depth and excitement.
Thank you for sharing your creativity,
Gina Ruffcorn (Team 100, Iowa USA)