Well done Lillie, you have used all of the words and your story makes sense. Please try to add some more description now. What does the horse look like? How does it feel?
Lillie, your story has a beginning, a middle and an ending and I do feel sorry for your poor horse, but I am wondering if you have done enough to really capture the reader. Perhaps if you had started with ‘A lonely horse,’ or ‘A lonely little brown horse….’ we might be able to better understand why he really wanted a friend to play with.
I do like your ending about him going back to the shed ‘where he was nobody.’ That is so sad. It is such a good ending that you don’t need to write The End. Do you agree?
Jackie
New Plymouth
New Zealand
Well done Lillie, you have used all of the words and your story makes sense. Please try to add some more description now. What does the horse look like? How does it feel?
Lillie, your story has a beginning, a middle and an ending and I do feel sorry for your poor horse, but I am wondering if you have done enough to really capture the reader. Perhaps if you had started with ‘A lonely horse,’ or ‘A lonely little brown horse….’ we might be able to better understand why he really wanted a friend to play with.
I do like your ending about him going back to the shed ‘where he was nobody.’ That is so sad. It is such a good ending that you don’t need to write The End. Do you agree?
Jackie
New Plymouth
New Zealand
And me miss and ok