Alone

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3 Responses to Alone

  1. Jusden (100 WC) says:

    Hi Mia,

    This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! The prompt is a mysterious opening about something coming down the drainpipe. While you don’t mention a drainpipe immediately, you create a piece filled with suspense and a really nice lyrical feel, capped off by a chilling ending. You introduce the piece with three loud thuds. The use of such onomatopoeic devices are really effective in a piece like this. Using this thrusts the reader into the centre of the action, and makes them feel attached to the piece. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This horror theme is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as I’m sure most people have either watched or read such a genre. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this as I too enjoy reading or watching such themes. By mentioning your senses, your loud heartbeat, the piece builds suspense dramatically. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. The light flickering is a common trait in the genre, and by describing it you build a really believable scene. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. The character’s decision to investigate is suspenseful, yet they are stuck on the spot in apprehension, it makes the reader wonder what is going on. The short sentences at the end really increases the pace and makes the piece even more dramatic. Seeing the inhuman object serves as a chilling ending, and with it disappearing the piece ends on a really effective cliff-hanger. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of the ellipsis. Keep up the good work!

  2. Anonymous says:

    That was a nice creepy effect going on!

  3. islaf1 says:

    great piece of writing Mia

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