What a fantastic introduction, I really want to know what happened next. Very good description. Try not to use the word ‘but’ so much. Please don’t use this font though, I can’t see if you used capital letters correctly.
Hi there Chris. I love the way you used passive voice to begin with. I really wanted to read on to find out what was going on! I agree with vgutmann that the font you used is very difficult to read. Also try to keep within the 100 words. Well done with your effective descirption and setting of the scene. Keep up the great writing! Mrs W (Team 100 Australia)
What a fantastic introduction, I really want to know what happened next. Very good description. Try not to use the word ‘but’ so much. Please don’t use this font though, I can’t see if you used capital letters correctly.
Hi there Chris. I love the way you used passive voice to begin with. I really wanted to read on to find out what was going on! I agree with vgutmann that the font you used is very difficult to read. Also try to keep within the 100 words. Well done with your effective descirption and setting of the scene. Keep up the great writing! Mrs W (Team 100 Australia)