This story starts well and then trails off towards the end. Did you not have enough time? Go back through and read it aloud to somebody, some of the sentences do not make sense, some words need to be added and others taken out. Use speech marks and punctuation. E.g. He said, “I will deal with this myself.”
I wasn’t expecting a dead lamb, Chris – you certainly took me by surprise!
You have used some powerful vocabulary in your story, however you need to think about your use of punctuation.
Remember to use inverted commas when you include speech and make sure you read through your work to check that it makes sense.
Keep up the good work!
Wow Chris – this is a vivid piece of writing with some well chosen vocabulary to create a sinister image! The end, however, has a more positive and hopeful feel, with the trees being re-planted. Take time to read through your entries carefully to make sure your punctuation is in place. Keep writing Chris!
This story starts well and then trails off towards the end. Did you not have enough time? Go back through and read it aloud to somebody, some of the sentences do not make sense, some words need to be added and others taken out. Use speech marks and punctuation. E.g. He said, “I will deal with this myself.”
Ok but a bit gory
I wasn’t expecting a dead lamb, Chris – you certainly took me by surprise!
You have used some powerful vocabulary in your story, however you need to think about your use of punctuation.
Remember to use inverted commas when you include speech and make sure you read through your work to check that it makes sense.
Keep up the good work!
my brother write this
Wow Chris – this is a vivid piece of writing with some well chosen vocabulary to create a sinister image! The end, however, has a more positive and hopeful feel, with the trees being re-planted. Take time to read through your entries carefully to make sure your punctuation is in place. Keep writing Chris!