This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! The prompt is a mysterious opening about something coming down the drainpipe. While you don’t mention the drainpipe immediately, you turn the piece on its head by describing an action filled piece involving a manhunt. By explaining in the first sentence what the piece will be about, looking for Dave, you create a structure which the reader can follow. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This theme of action and adventure is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as I’m sure most people have experienced the genre before whether that be in books or movies. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this as I too have enjoyed watching such films in this genre. By explaining clearly the atmosphere, such as the importance of getting the Queen’s jewels back, you create a really vivid and believable image, trapping the reader. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specialist words like Special Ops demonstrates great knowledge and is very topical in the search. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. You describe technology such as X Ray vision and a mother ship, which really rounds the piece as a whole and adds a vibe of science fiction, developing the story even more. Finding Dave and his escape leaves the piece on a great cliff-hanger to be continued in another story. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of exclamation and quotation marks. Keep up the good work!
Hi Rayan,
This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! The prompt is a mysterious opening about something coming down the drainpipe. While you don’t mention the drainpipe immediately, you turn the piece on its head by describing an action filled piece involving a manhunt. By explaining in the first sentence what the piece will be about, looking for Dave, you create a structure which the reader can follow. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This theme of action and adventure is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as I’m sure most people have experienced the genre before whether that be in books or movies. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this as I too have enjoyed watching such films in this genre. By explaining clearly the atmosphere, such as the importance of getting the Queen’s jewels back, you create a really vivid and believable image, trapping the reader. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specialist words like Special Ops demonstrates great knowledge and is very topical in the search. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. You describe technology such as X Ray vision and a mother ship, which really rounds the piece as a whole and adds a vibe of science fiction, developing the story even more. Finding Dave and his escape leaves the piece on a great cliff-hanger to be continued in another story. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of exclamation and quotation marks. Keep up the good work!
Thank you