Demiyah Smith

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5 Responses to Demiyah Smith

  1. Miss T says:

    Hi Demiyah
    I love the way your writing builds up here, each sentence is like a layer of a pass the parcel being unwrapped. You have made some super word choices too. Keep up the super work.
    Miss T Team 100wc
    Hampshire, England

  2. phaylock says:

    Great accurate writing Demiyah. I especially like your use of short sentences to help create the fear. Well done.

  3. Ross Mannell (Team 100WC) says:

    Hello Demiyah,

    Your tension-filled story builds as we read. Gnarled old trees, creaking doors, a scream (yours), creaking floorboards and a pitch-black hallway set the frightening scene as your creepy adventure unfolds. Well done.

    In particular, your sentence, “Millie hissed to me to be quiet”, shared not only your fear but the tension in Millie. Millie might be more resilient in this situation but, clearly, is also very tense. “Hissed” is much more powerful in this situation than “whispered” or “said”.

    With your growing skills as a writer, I hope you can keep entering the 100WC.

    Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
    Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia

  4. islaf1 says:

    Brilliant story Demi

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